Mr. Gummy

This is Linus.

Linus

It’s not easy making your eyes look in two different directions.

And these are his teeth.

My nieces can make protective amulets out of these.

My nieces can make protective amulets out of these.

Linus (aka “Anus”) is the most wretched creature you’ve ever met. He was an “impulse adoption” from Chihuahua Rescue. My sister’s first dog. She did not heed our warnings to research the dog and breed before adopting.

So now she’s got this diminutive beast with crooked hind legs and breath that could wake the dead, who loves to leave tootsie rolls all over the house because he won’t go outside in the cold. And he is always cold.

Linus's legs. I tried to photograph the real thing but he snapped at me.

Linus’s legs. I tried to photograph the real thing but he snapped at me.

The other day, my sister took Linus for a dental cleaning to deal with his bad breath, and now he’s minus 14 teeth. I picked him up because my sister and her family were stuck on the Navajo Res in their mini-van with a flat tire (whole other story).

I deposited the gummy, vicious, crooked-legged creature who’s lucky to have someone love him at their house with a bag of extractions and supplies from the vet, including tiny straws that my sister has to teach Linus to use in order to sustain himself with blended food. The vet said his lips will eventually curl inward, like an old man without his dentures. Which will only add to his charm.

Behold, a shining achievement in reckless inbreeding natural selection and modern dentistry. Lovable, perhaps even extra lovable, despite (or because of) his extra special needs.

Linus2

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21 thoughts on “Mr. Gummy

    • He is actually not a bad little guy once he gets to know (and you learn that when he sticks his tongue out a lot he’s about to snap) and has come a long way since being adopted… maybe mistreated at some point (?), which would account for his, um, moodiness.

  1. Hi Laura! Perfect portrait of all our dysfunctionallity. Just missed the second adopting impulse by Michaela of another Chihuahua to keep company to Linus, who ended up not only displacing him from any affection he could get, but also torture and dominating him!

    • Thanks Cristian! I thought about including Blossom but then again… it would be like it is at home, where she steals the attention away! At least in print she wouldn’t have the chance to dominate him or show off her skills with Humpy Bear. 😉

  2. Had this vet ever checked Linus’s teeth and offered to clean them in the past or is this something he came with when adopted? Bad breath…bad gums or teeth. In humans and animals!

    • Hi Ruth! Linus came with pretty bad teeth, which my sister discovered not long after adopting him. She’s only now had the opportunity for a cleaning. And you’re right, his breath is actually much improved now that the teeth are gone! He’s probably happier too, and might be less cranky, because I’m guessing they were painful. Thanks for stoping by!

    • Surprisingly (or not) his breath is much improved without all those pesky teeth! And don’t worry, you are still on my Christmas card list this year — a Linus-inspired “scratch-n-sniff”!! Thank me later. 🙂

  3. We have had a saying in our family: “ugly as only a mother could love…”. I think this fits. Your sister is a saint.

  4. Here’s an idea! You could incorporate one tiny tooth into a clay cups You could create 14 bathroom cups, that would serve the purchaser as a reminder to brush .
    As the recipient of numerous “tootsie rolls” right beside my desk, it would be a thrill if someone on your blog would want to adopt Linus (Anus) although the urge to send him to another family is not as intense as when he had all of his tiny teeth.

    • Ok, bathroom cup idea = gross. Sorry, but I’m a professional and I get to make those determinations.

      I applaud you for letting another poopy creature into your house, after 4 kids, 4 grandkids, and all the other animals, past and present. One day, you should replace all those smelly carpets with expensive Turkish rugs. Oh, wait….

  5. I feel like an evil person b/c i have no idea how people adopt pets like that – I just don’t have the patience! (or the love in my heart, apparently)

    • I think that often, you don’t know the pet is “like that” until you’ve taken them home and lived with them for awhile. And then it’s too late because you’ve seen the, erm, good qualities, plus you feel sorry for them — having been abused and lived in a shelter and all — and then voila! Friend for life. But there are also people who simply return them from whence they came. When my brother was little, he picked out a 3-time reject from the pound, the dumbest cocker spaniel ever. But she was lovable and had a good life with us. There are also lots of dog owners who will relinquish their long-time family pets because they are old and don’t want to deal with them anymore. Now THAT’S something I will never understand. At least you know your limits!

    • I think that’s why Chihuahua’s are made with gigantic eyes, so that they’re too cute to hurt em when they do nasty things to you and to your rugs. Anus is cute even though his big eyes rove in different directions.

      • Yeah, careful genetic selection made those poppy eyes and poopy habits! Good thing someone is paying close attention to all that gene splicing… and thank god for cloning!!

    • Oh, thank you so much Stacie, I thought I was the only one! Only my devil guys didn’t show up until college, but still, I was none the wiser. Did yours bite and poop in the house? I hope not.

      Great to see you here, and thanks as always for reading xx

    • Sinus. Good one! It’s amazing how his breath has improved now that he has no teeth. I was afraid they would be replaced with steel implements, but no. This nightmare has officially been de-fanged. Thanks for stopping by Len!

  6. In defense of my darling, misunderstood creature, all you meanies, Linus has been extremely faithful and devoted and full of pure, unconditional love for yours truly. I am sure that he would give his life up for mine, should the occasion warrant it (though he may have trouble pulling me from a burning building, now that his teeth are gone). And, FYI, I DID research chihuahuas, and I definitely wanted one of those (I wanted a cat without the cat-titude and the litterbox, though right now I would give my right arm for a creature that would actually USE a litter box, and not most of the house), and he was in need of a loving, non-judgmental, welcoming home. Match made in heaven. Finally, you neglected to mention his adorable redeeming qualties: the way he carries his little stuffed animals around the house to cuddle with (that is, until Blossom either humps them to death, or eats all their stuffing out, in a final act of dominance); and, before I feed him, he runs around in circles so fast that I am afraid he might pass out. That is very cute to watch. So, please try to conceal your jealously a little better. He is NOT up for adoption (actually he is) and he is a cherished (tolerated) family member. If you would like pictures of his cuteness, just ask.

Talk to me! I spend too much time alone in the studio.

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