RIP Yellow Legs Garcia: Beloved Sister, Entertainer, Friend
APRIL 21, 2016 Yellow Legs “Cuddles” Garcia was laid to rest today in a shady enclave in the back yard that she called home for the past three years. Yellow Legs passed shortly after being admitted to a veterinary clinic for weight loss and an indeterminate abdominal issue. After being diagnosed with what could have been any number of reproductive ailments, the prognoses for which were universally dire, the difficult decision for euthanasia was made. Yellow Legs died peacefully in the company of a compassionate vet and her assistant, with her head resting in her caretaker’s hands. She is survived by her sister, White Legs “Jumpy” Garcia, and her blind coop-mate, Rufina, for whom she had recently developed an almost affectionate tolerance.
Yellow Legs was born in 2013 in an anonymous hatchery along with thousands of other chicks. Hours after hatching, she was placed on a conveyor belt where she was sorted according to size, sex, and stamina, treated with antibiotics, and dispatched within 48 hours via Fed Ex to a local Albuquerque feed store. From there, she was adopted into the Bruzzese family where she remained until her death.
Although Yellow Legs never knew her parents, she nonetheless matured into a well-adjusted, if sickly, backyard hen. In her youth, she was known for steady egg laying, adventurousness, and an insatiable curiosity that inspired her to traverse all manner of fencing so that she might dig through garden beds, often destroying the drip system in the process. This trait, coupled with her progressively delicate constitution requiring three expensive veterinary consults during her short life, caused her caretaker to lay her own sanity open to question on more than one occasion.
Yellow Legs’ favorite leisure activities included sunning herself in forbidden areas of the yard; dirt bathing; and hiding her head under pieces of cloth. Her professional career began with a film debut in 2014’s The Contest, a performance central to the production and one that delighted “winner” and “loser” readers alike.
Yellow Legs enjoyed almost everything in life. Her presence will be missed and her death honored as that of one lucky hen among thousands whose brief and miserable lives will end today in slaughter houses, without ceremony, care, or compassion, never having had the chance to live as chickens or even touch their feet to the ground. Rest in peace, Cuddly.